In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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