omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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