you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need moral support for this bender
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I die, sorry about rent.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
