it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
