You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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