So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
