From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
