i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
