end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
