you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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