I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize