Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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