Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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