I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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