What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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