Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
