So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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