remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
