You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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