So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize