Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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