sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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