I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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