I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
