erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
