oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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