how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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