DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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