season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
