Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
