omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
