Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've blown a few things in my day
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
