I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
