I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
