K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
