I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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