this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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