We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
