i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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