dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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