So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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