There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
