I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
