Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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