She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
