I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize