Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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