I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize