i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
