'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
