i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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