Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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