They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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