The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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