I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
