best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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