this beer tastes like vomit already
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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