I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm at about main and main street
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
