i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
