Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
