you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
