so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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