I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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