My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
