At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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