Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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