This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
