Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
