Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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