the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm having to shit out rocks
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
