it was like his penis was on wheels.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
