before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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