i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
