Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
