is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
